Dead Men Rising
by 00jelwes
Summary: Three years after the war between santuries and the fall of Darquesse, an attack from another reality brings the skeleton detective out of retirement.
1. Chapter 1

Another project that's been gestating in my nerd brain for a while. It is set about three years after the events of 'The Dying of the Light', so if you haven't read it, spoilers.

I do not own these characters. Skullduggery Pleasant and all related characters are owned by Derek Landy.

1: Unwelcome Guests.

There was the sound of cracking bone as an elbow crunched into the nose of one of the mystery sorcerers. Skullduggery Pleasant threw a punch that sent the man to the ground, unconscious. The skeleton detective straightened his tie and brushed some dust off the shoulder of his impeccably tailored suit. Around him lay the unconscious forms of six mages who had just attempted to attack him, in his own home no less. This affront to his privacy was not what had Skullduggery's interest however. Rather, the fact that two of these men he knew to be dead was what intrigued him. Bending over the form of an energy thrower called Pisor Baban, he manipulated the water moisture in the air, forming a floating puddle of water above Baban's head. When enough water was collected, he flexed his hand and the puddle dropped, shocking Baban awake. Quickly, Skullduggery shackled his hands, before dropping down to sit in front of his captive.

'Hello Pisor' he said brightly 'I was hoping you could answer a few questions for me. Mainly what are you doing here. Also why are you no longer dead. I feel like we can forget the second one for the moment, as fascinating as it doubtlessly is, seeing as I am somewhat of an expert in defying nature by undeading myself. Undeading. Not a word is it. Or maybe it is. I remember when selfie wasn't a word. I miss those days. Anyway, what was I talking about? Ah yes, what are you doing here?'

Baban, for his part, looked remarkably unfazed by the ramblings of a dead man. 'The master needed you gone, abomination. You could...slow his plans'

Skullduggery tilted his head, his way of showing a quizzical expression, having no face to do so with 'ah your master. And who may that be? Judging by your use of abomination, a name I just love incidentally, you, and your master worship the Faceless Ones. Now here's the catch. The Church of the Faceless is gone. I have no enemies left who want me gone enough to raise the dead. Serpine, Vengeous, Scorn. All out of the way. I'm intrigued. Who do you follow?'

Baban smiled 'why skeleton, the only master worth following. Mevolent.'

Had Skulduggery had a face, it would have shown shock. 'No we stopped Mevolent. I helped Bliss and Meritorious destroy his body. He's gone. Unless...'

As the thought dawned on him, he felt a disturbance in the air behind him. Whirling, with twin balls of flame in his hands, he saw two men flicker into existence. One was unfamiliar to him. But the other...

'Nadir' snarled Skullduggery, throwing the fire at him. The unknown man, obviously a teleporter vanished with Nadir, the flames missing them by a second. Trying to anticipate where they would appear, using his knowledge of what Fletcher Renn would do in this situation, he sent a column of air behind him. However, clearly Nadir and his accomplice were not here to fight. In moments, they had collected their fallen allies, and we're back where they started.

'Sorry skeleton' Nadir called 'today ain't your day' he cackled and began to shunt, the eight men flickering in and out of focus. Skullduggery was about to lunge, to try and follow, but he stopped himself. Instead, he took his phone from his pocket and dialled. As Nadir vanished, his call was answered.

'Its me' he growled. 'I'm coming in. We have a situation'

2: Back in the game.

The Bentley pulled up outside the palace that had replaced the old Roarhaven sanctuary three years previously. As he strode in through the doors, he was greeted by numerous stares and gasps. The skeleton detective hadn't been seen in the sanctuary for nearly two years now. The administrator, Tipstaff, bustled over to him, the only one who appeared to act as if nothing had happened.

'Good evening Detective Pleasant, Grand Mage Sorrows and the Elders will see you shortly. While you wait may I get you anything. Tea, Coffee, a Whiskey?'

Skullduggery looked at Tipstaff, his head tilted 'Tipstaff, how long have you known me?'

'I'd say about seven years detective'

'And in those seven years, have you ever seen me eat, drink, or indeed do any of the functions that characterise a normal human'

'I can't say I have Detective. Although there was that memorable occasion Mr Vex soaked you in gin whilst you meditated and you subsequently became intoxicated. I believe it was an idea concocted with Detective Cain...'

He tailed off as, at the mentioned of that name, Skullduggery sped up, outpacing Tipstaff and slamming open the door of the council chamber.

At a large table stood Grand Mage China Sorrows, looking at a map of Ireland. Stunningly beautiful, she all but eclipsed the other two mages in the room. The woman was Tigra Feles, an adept Skullduggery had fought alongside during both wars. The other was a squat man with an unfortunate chin who he didn't recognise. Of course, it was the new guy who spoke first.

'Hey, you can't just storm in here. I'll summon the cleavers. How did you even get this far...' He warbled before Skullduggery cut him off.

'Quiet chinny. If you can't tell who I am by looking at the fact that I'm a rather well dressed skeleton, you clearly aren't worth talking to'

'How dare you' Chinny spluttered 'I am an Elder and a member of this council. You will respect me'

'My apologies' Skullduggery replied. 'Quiet, Elder Chinny'

Before another retort could be made, China cut in. 'Oh Skullduggery darling, play nice. Obviously you already know Elder Feles. And the fellow who you are antagonising is Elder Vier' Vier looked as if he were about to speak but once again China stopped him. 'Quiet Chinny. Now what is so urgent that it got you out of retirement Skullduggery?'

As Skullduggery began to talk he searched through his pockets, placing what he found on the table 'I was attacked China. In my own home. But these weren't just any attackers. They were from another dimension. Mevolent's dimension. No, bad Tortoise' This last comment was addressed to a tortoise, one of the objects he had taken from his pockets, that was attempting to eat the sleeve of China's robe. 'Ah here it is'. What he had been looking for was a folded piece of paper. 'I took this off one of my attackers. It claims Mevolent is planning advance attacks on our world, before an invasion. This is big China. Maybe as big as Darq...' He stopped, and lowered his head.

Talking softly, China started to speak 'we know about the attacks Skullduggery sweetie. You're just the first person they targeted directly. Which makes sense, you being well, you.'

Skullduggery nodded 'I am rather marvellous, if I do say so myself'

'And so say we all' boomed a voice from the door, as in strode Saracen Rue. 'Good to see you Skullduggery. Grand Mage Sorrows, Tigra' he said winking at Feles, who purred back. 'You, how you doing chin guy' this he directed at Vier. 'Oh and is this guy an elder too?' he exclaimed, picking up the tortoise.

'No' replied Skullduggery 'That's Tortoise. He's my tiny-henchman. Why are you here Saracen?'

'China called me in. Something about dealing with an invasion'

China filled Saracen in on what was going on, and then said to the pair of them 'we need a team to deal with this. A team of your choosing, you will be autonomous for the most part, as long as you get the job done'

'Wait' asked Saracen, his brow furrowed 'I get Skulkduggery, but why me. I'm fairly useless in a fight'

A smile played across China's exquisite lips 'Because, Mr Rue, I'm bringing you back. As of this moment, I have reformed The Dead Men'


	2. Chapter 2

3: The garden of the Dead.

Saracen looked at China, dumbfounded. The Dead Men, the unit that he and Skullduggery had belong to during both wars, had been defunct since the end of the last war, after one of their own stabbed them in the back, both literally and figuratively. Saracen wasn't sure how Skullduggery would take this suggestion, but he suspected it wouldn't be good.

When he finally spoke, Skullduggery's voice was quiet 'what are you doing China, you can't do this. The Dead Men are gone. What gives you the right?'

China raised an immaculate eyebrow 'What gives me the right? What gives you the right to argue? You walked out on us two years ago. On me. You lost the right to argue this. I am Grand Mage, and so what I say is law here. Besides, the Dead Men aren't gone. Last time I checked, four of you were alive, although in your case, alive is a relative term. The pair of you, Mr Vex, and a certain young woman with dark eyes and dark hair.'

At this, Skullduggery stiffened. Although he had no face, Saracen had known the man for centuries, and had become a master in reading the skeleton detectives movements, as another would read a face. And this wasn't good.

'Dammit Skullduggery'. There was anger in China's voice 'you can't do this every time someone mentions her. Don't delude yourself into thinking you're the only one who cares about Valkyrie. You can't just run off again'

And that's exactly what he did. Skullduggery stormed out of the room. After a moments silence, Vier spoke.

'So that was the great Skullduggery Pleasant. Seems a wash out to me'

Before anyone knew what happened, China's hand was around Vier's throat 'You do not insult that man. You hear me?' There was such fury in her voice Saracen could almost feel it radiating off her 'he has been through more in his life than a weak minded fool like you could even imagine' she released Vier and he dropped, choking, to the ground. China turned to Saracen, who had to resist the urge to flinch. 'Mr Rue' she said, her composure regained 'could you go and kindly find Detective Pleasant and convince him of the right course.'

Saracen frowned 'and how am I meant to know where he is?'

'You're Saracen Rue. Isn't knowing things, as they say, your thing?'

As Saracen left, he realised he didn't need to use his powers to find Skullduggery. He knew exactly where he would be. When the treacherous former Dead Man and Grand Mage Erskine Ravel had redesigned the sanctuary, he had added a small garden, hidden away. It was in this garden that Saracen found Skullduggery. The Garden of the Dead Men had been Ravel's way to honour his friends, his brothers. In a semi-circle were five statues of the five men Saracen had called brothers. To one side was a sixth, a girl. Ravel had had the bodies of Hopeless and Larrikin moved here, as they had been buried before the garden was built, whilst Ghastly Bespoke, Anton Shudder, and Ravel himself were buried here upon their deaths. Saracen hated coming here. Not because he didn't want to honour his comrades, but because he knew that one day, Skullduggery would have to erect a statue of him, a thought Saracen didn't relish. Skullduggery was standing in front of the statue of Ghastly, whilst Tortoise had gone to sleep on Shudder's foot.

'Skullduggery...?' Saracen called, approaching slowly.

'Sometimes I wonder if we made the right choice, choosing to remember Erskine here' Skullduggery said, half to himself.

'We chose to remember him as the man we knew, not the man he became. It's having Stephanie here that people find surprising.'

Skullduggery gestured to the statue of the girl. 'She fought alongside us. She stepped up when she was needed. She gave everything. If that's not a true Dead Man, I don't know what is. You agree with China don't you?'

Saracen swallowed 'this does sound like our kind of thing. The missions we were formed to carry out. Strike from the shadows...'

'Disappear into darkness' finished Skullduggery. 'No dammit, we're done. We lost too many last time. There's only three of us left'

'Four. But I doubt she'll come back. So three. But Skull, the Dead Men are more than just the seven men who first got together all those centuries ago. We're an idea. And I'll be damned if we will sit back at let Mevolent cause another damn war. You don't have to fight with us, but Dexter will want to, and so do I'

Skullduggery looked at him for the longest time. He then looked at each of the statues, and whilst he did so, Saracen saw the tiny movements of his body that showed he was thinking. Finally, he started talking, quickly, formulating a plan. 'well Dexter obviously. I think Bane and O'Callahan will do well. Tanith too. And seeing as she wouldn't come back, maybe Renn.'

Saracen smiled. It was good to see his old friend, a man who had saved his life, and whose life he had saved, innumerable times, returning to his old self.

4: Vexed.

Dexter Vex hated running. He'd used to enjoy it, but after Darquesse had thrown him around like a rag doll, the leg she had shattered into shards still hurt, despite the best efforts of the sanctuaries healers. He pulled a leaf from the bundle in his pocket and stuffed it into his mouth. As the pain melted away, he picked up speed. He looked back. A wave of darkness followed him. He focussed and energy began to crackle in his hand. He stopped, aimed, and let off a burst of energy that cut through the shadow. It solidified, into the form of a man, and six monstrous dogs. Both the dogs, and the man, were scabbed and in some places missing skin. They looked like zombies, but they were no zombies Dexter had ever encountered.

'Dexter Vex'. The man had a rasping voice that grated against Dexter's ears 'return the spear, and we will ensure your death is somewhat quick and to an extent painless'

Vex laughed 'that is one of the worst offers I've ever heard. And I once traded a level 100 Charizard for a level 6 Ratatta'

The man cocked his head 'what is this Charizard you speak of?'

Dexter sighed 'that's what you get for spending 1000 years in a Norwegian temple. No understanding of pop culture'

'Return the spear' repeated the man 'its power as a god killing weapon is not to be used by a human. It was my task to prevent its misuse'

'Listen Colin. Can I call you Colin?'

'My name is Angmer, render of souls and destroyer of minds'

'Yeah, ain't gonna remember that. Listen Col, I don't intend to use this. It's a precaution. A few years ago a mad and violent goddess nearly ended everything. I just want insurance'

'I care not for the happenings of the outside world. I care only for the Spear of Destiny'

'Wow mate, you need to get out more. Go meet a nice decomposing girl who likes rending souls and that. You'll be very happy together'

Out of nowhere, a voice called 'Dexter, stop antagonising the nice zombie'

Vex whirled and saw Saracen Rue and Skullduggery Pleasant emerging from the trees. He smiled. 'Hello gents. You're just in time'

As he said this, Colin raised his hand and the dogs lunged as one. Immediately Skullduggery and Saracen were by his side. The three of them didn't need to communicate. They knew their jobs. Meticulously, as if they'd last fought together yesterday, the three Dead Men punched and kicked. Skullduggery fought dirty, using elbows and knees. Dexter preferred fast jabs and uppercuts. Saracen dodged and weaved, confusing and tiring his enemies until he dropped them easily. Before too long, six huge dogs lay on the ground, and began to dissolve into shadow, the shadow flowing back into Colin.

'Fine' roared the Render of Souls 'I shall deal with you myself.' He raised his hand and shadow began to swirl. In response Skullduggery raised his and flexed. The air shimmered and crashed down on Colin, crunching him.

'Sorry' said Skullduggery, as he adjusted his tie and straightened his waistcoat. 'That needed to be over'

Dexter rubbed his leg as it began to twinge again 'to what do I owe the pleasure? I suspect this isn't a social visit'

Saracen began to explain the situation, whilst Skullduggery inspected the spear Vex had recently liberated. A small reptilian head poked out of his pocket whilst he did so. Dexter decided not to ask.

When Saracen finished Dexter nodded. 'So the Dead Men are back? Doing what we do best, fighting Mevolent and generally kicking ass'

The other two nodded. Dexter smiled wickedly as he popped another leaf into his mouth 'Let's give them hell boys'


	3. Chapter 3

5: The Base

Gracious was bored, Donegan could tell. They were sitting in a small, Mage only bookshop in London, signing copies of their newest book 'Monster Hunting for beginners: look, stop. For gods sake stop'. Normally Gracious loved these events, meeting the fans was, after all a highlight of the job, but Donegan knew that Gracious wasn't into it. It was the little things, like the way he ran his hand through his hair, and the way he tapped the table. Donegan grabbed his hand and stopped the tapping. He had left a small dent in the table. A young, thin girl approached the table, smiling nervously.

'Mr Bane, Mr O'Callahan, I'm a huge fan. Can you sign my book?'

Donegan smiled as he took the book 'of course my dear, who should I make it out to?'

'Clara' the girl smiled again 'Clara Bane'

Donegan raised an eyebrow as he handed Gracious the book 'oh really. I didn't know there were any other Bane's about'

'No, I changed my name after I read your books. Like I said, I'm a huge fan. Can you sign this picture?'

Gracious was sniggering as Donegan took the picture. He looked at it, and Gracious burst out with laughter.

'Hang on. This is me in my apartment. In the shower'. At that point Devan, the huge security Mage for the store, put a hand on her shoulder.

'Ok miss, other people are waiting'

'I love you Donegan. I want your babies' Clara called as she was led away.

'Right' said Donegan, after a moment. 'Next'

'Can you have this say that the monster hunters are cads and frauds' said a male voice.

'How dare you said Donegan 'we may have a certain roguish charm, but we are not frauds' he looked up into the beaming face if Saracen Rue, accompanied by Dexter Vex.

'Hello boys' smiled Dexter 'any chance we can borrow you after this signing'

Saracen and Dexter explained the situation over dinner, and that night, they were on a plane to Ireland. Gracious was thrilled to be back in action, but Donegan wasn't sure. The Dead Men were, well legends, whilst they were popular authors for all age groups.

At the sanctuary, they were led by Tipstaff to a small room, where China Sorrows waited with a young man with ridiculous hair. He looked like a blonde hedgehog.

Gracious strode over, beaming 'Fletcher my boy' he said, grasping his hand 'how are you'.

Fletcher winced as Gracious released 'not bad, I've been training in the sanctuary in Montenegro. They have a lot of teleportation experts'.

After hands were shaken, niceties exchanged and Gracious had stopped professing his love for China, they all sat down around the table. China began to speak.

'Gentlemen, you all know why you're here. We are threatened, and you are the solution. This area of the sanctuary will be your base, your hub. There are living facilities as well as a small armoury, and other vitals. Of course, the rest of the sanctuary is open to you'

'We have a base' interrupted Saracen 'cool, I've always wanted on. Can we call it the Dead Cave?'

'Mr Rue, shush' China glowered 'Team leader is Skullduggery, who will doubtless bore you with a briefing upon his return, full of jokes and the like. Any questions?'

Fletcher raised his hand 'Hi, Fletcher Renn, last teleporter. Where is our skeleton pal?'

Dexter answered 'recruiting our last member hopefully'

6: Bars.

Tanith sat in a dank, dark bar, in a Prague back ally. She liked it here. She remembered when the country had been Czechoslovakia, and when it had been freed from the communists. Hell, she'd helped. But now, she just wanted to get away.

'Mind if I sit' A male voice. Smooth, soft, strong, hind of an Irish accent.

Tanith sighed 'what do you want Skullduggery'

He sat. A skeleton in a beautiful suit. A suit that brought back memories Tanith tried to forget.

'Whiskey. Irish if you have it' Skulkduggery said to the bartender.

Tanith turned from her beer to look at him with a raised eyebrow. 'You can drink?'

Skullduggery nodded. 'Part of my new facade. China's worked on it. Now it only appears to mortals. And I can look like I'm doing normal stuff. Eat, drink. Haven't tried the bathroom yet'

Tanith turned back to her drink 'what do you want Skull'

He sipped his whiskey before answering 'you. We need you. Your skills. We have an...issue. And you can help'

'No' her answer was instant 'I'm done. I lost two of the people I cared most about. Hell I didn't even know one was gone until it was too late. I lost years of my life as a monster. I'm through'

He tilted his head 'you cared about Sanguine?'

'Go' she growled. 'Don't even joke. Val and Ghastly are gone. Why shouldn't I be'

He was quiet for a moment 'you've been hopping bars for 3 years. There's warrants for your arrest from Andorra to Zambia. Dammit you think I don't miss them. But I came back, and so should you. Honour their memory. Honour his. Don't destroy yourself. Go down doing something that matters'

She was quiet. She wanted to refuse. To move on. But she knew he was right. She finished her beer slowly and stood. 'Fine. But I can't promise I won't drink'

'Understandable'

They were at the door when the barman called out 'the girl. She has a tab. You pay'

Tanith shrugged and turned her pockets inside out to show she had no money. Skullduggery turned and said something in Czech. Then the barman punched him.

Tanith was on a table, sword out, before she could think. A group of men got up and pulled out knives. Tanith laughed 'come and have a go if...'

'Tainith, no' Skullduggery shouted 'they're mortals'. He waved his hand, and every person in the place suddenly gagged, and passed out. 'Tiny vacuums. Very useful'

Tanith sheathed her sword. 'What did you say?'

Skullduggery looked sheepish. For a skeleton. 'well my Czech is rusty, I either said that I'll pay, or that his mother has lain with badgers. I suspect the latter'

Tanith smiled, her first genuine on one for years. 'C'mon skeleton. Let's get outta here. You owe me a fight though. Or a drink.'


	4. Chapter 4

7: New Dawn.

The six men were sitting, or standing around the large circular table. Tanith watched as she lent against the wall. Half of these men were legends, the other half would doubtless become so. She didn't fit in here. A reformed assassin and one time host for a remnant shouldn't be in their company. But she'd come along anyway. Skullduggery was talking.

'So that about sums it all up' he finished. Now before we go save the worlds,maths Dead Men have a tradition, an initiation.' He looked at Dexter and Saracen, who nodded and moved. Before the others could respond, Dexter was hugging Fletcher, whilst Saracen grasped Donegan. Skullduggery tilted his head.

'Oh' his voice was tinged with displeasure 'we're still doing that are we? What about the punching? That was more fun'

Dexter turned from hugging Fletcher 'shush skeleton, hugging is more fun'

Saracen reached Tanith, and held out his arms. She shook her head 'not happening Rue'. He hugged her anyway.

At that moment, Dr Synecdoche, the head of the Science-Magic facility walked in. She stopped and raised an eyebrow 'errm I can come back later'

Skullduggery leapt at the chance to end the hugging 'no it's alright Doctor. Everyone sit while the nice science lady explains what she's done'

Synecdoche produced from her pocket a small device with a small light set into it. 'I designed this to latch onto the magical signature of Silas Nadir. When he returns to this reality, the light will glow red. The faster it flashes, the closer you are to him'.

As she finished, the light started flashing slowly.

'Hmm' she mused 'it appears to be faulty'

'Or' Tanith interjected 'Nadir has shown up'

Synecdoche paled 'oh dear. Hes such a horrible man. I'd hoped there'd be more time'

Skullduggery stood 'Doctor, can you give us a rough location?'

She nodded 'by the way it's flashing, I suspect Dublin. I can't help more than that I'm afraid'

'We go in five everyone. Be ready'.

8: A fight is happening.

They searched Dublin for nearly an hour, using Fletcher and Saracens powers to quickly eliminate buildings. Finally, they reached the derelict old wax work museum that had once housed that Sanctuary. Almost entirely destroyed, it was fenced off, with only a few sad looking areas still standing. Saracen looked over the ruins, and nodded.

'Twelve hostages, mortal. Nine mages, and Nadir. They're hiding'

'So it's an ambush?' asked Skullduggery.

Saracen nodded again.

Skullduggery turned 'Right, plan. Yes, we could use one. Suggestions?'

He looked up at them, seeing blank stares. Gracious put up his hand.

'Yes Mr O'Callahan'

'Lets get the mortals out first'

Skullduggery nodded, and suddenly he was planning, speaking fast. 'Fletcher, teleport in and get the hostages to safety. Donegan and Dexter will go with as cover. Tanith..'

He turned to Tanith, who hastily stowed away the flask she'd just swigged from.

'Up the wall and through the roof. Take out as many as you can' He gave her an earpiece, and another to Saracen. 'Rue will guide you. Once the hostages are out, the rest of us go in. We need them alive, to question them' his head tilted. 'Got it?'

They nodded, and Fletcher took Donegan and Dexters hands, and vanished. Tanith faded into the shadows. They waited, and heard shouts, and saw a stream of energy break a window. Suddenly Fletcher was back, without Bane or Vex. He was panting. 'Got the hostages out. Outside the hospital lets go' Saracen was muttering into his mouthpiece, guiding Tanith, but nodded, and took Fletchers hand. The others did as well. A blink and they were inside. Bane and Vex were back to back, shooting energy at mages that surrounded them. Gracious flew at one, while Skullduggery clicked his fingers. The flames danced as he manipulated them, and suddenly the ball split into three, and a shard flew at one of the three sorcerers coming at him. Tanith crashed through the ceiling, and landed, slightly less gracefully than usual, but nevertheless went at a man with a huge sword. The clash of steel filled the room, but was quickly drowned by the sounds of a huge shotgun, wielded by a gigantic man, who was shooting at Gracious. Gracious for his part, winced when the bullets hit, but they didn't appear to slow him down. Skullduggery flexed his hands, and the shotgun was flying towards the window. In the same instant, his revolver was in his hand, and the mage's knee exploded.

'Saracen, Nadir?' He shouted.

Saracen called back 'shunted when we arrived'

'Dead Men, to me' Skullduggery commanded. Each of them broke their fight off, and let Fletcher bring them to Skullduggery's side. 'Ok, here's what we're going to do...' he started, but suddenly he stopped, stiffening. The others turned, and followed his gaze.

Dexter and Saracen swore, Gracious whimpered, and Tanith raised her sword.

Nadir had returned. And he'd brought back up. A shape stood in the shadows, armoured and menacing. The creature none of them had ever wanted to see again.

Lord Vile.


End file.
